Think you can’t eat onions for breakfast, lunch AND dinner? Find it weird that mama flung a bucket of water at you when she knows you have an important job interview in less than an hour? Believe you can go through life without a pljeskavica sa lukom? You’re wrong, wrong, WRONG!
At least if you’re visiting or planning to live in the oh-so-strange Serbia. Serbia is a country where sarma rolling is a form of art, where all parts of a pig are made into the most scrumptious snacks and NOT ONE BIT is discarded, and where there are always big plans for one small vehicle.
If you’re planning to get to know this wonderful(ly weird) country, here’s a small Serbian survival-guide to help you avoid some major mistakes:
MISTAKE #1: Believing you could avoid the LUK
“Run you fools!” – that’s what Gandalf would say to all those who hate onions (luk) and are coming to Serbia.
Serbia aka “The Land of Onions” aka “Onion Heaven” is a small country with lots of, you guessed it, ooonions. In Serbia you’ll learn to love them, as they are eaten with almost EVERYTHING. You’ll live and breathe onions. Literally.
MISTAKE #2: Not eating the NAJBOLJI DEO!
This is a very important conversation you’re bound to have as a foreigner attending a dinner or a slava in Serbia. And it goes something like this:
You: “You eat that too?”
Every single Serbian friend: “Aaajde, to je NAJBOLJI DEO!”
You are not to avoid eating the so-called BEST PART while in Serbia. Though it might be pig’s feet, tail, ears or what not.
MISTAKE #3: Considering a GALLON OF WATER being poured on you UNUSUAL
You’re leaving for a job interview or to take an exam. Plot twist: You’re in Serbia! You exit your house and the next thing you know you’re drenched in water. From head to toe. For foreigners, going somewhere important with your hair or clothes soaking wet would seem like a scene from one of those “awkward job interview” nightmares.
In Serbia, this “pre-interview/exam shower” is quite customary. According to a Serbian belief, spilling water behind the person who’s going on a journey, exam, interview, to do a certain job or into the army is considered to bring good luck. But, somehow, the water seems to (accidentally?) end up ON you, rather than BEHIND you..
Hence the Serbian lucky drowned rat look.
MISTAKE #4: Thinking you could get married in Serbia without knowing HOW TO ROLL A SARMA
If don’t know da uviješ sarmu and you’ve got a Serbian boyfriend you’re aiming at marrying, you’ve a surprise coming! The art of making or rolling a sarma is a skill you simply have to possess in Serbia in order to woo your Miloš, Marko, Dušan or Nikola and also to impress the svekrva.
For all those infidels who still don’t know what a sarma, here’s the simplest explanation. It’s a traditional Serbian dish of pickled cabbage leaves stuffed with a mixture of mince, rice and some spices.
It’s delicious.
It’s love.
It’s life.
MISTAKE #5: Underestimating the USEFULNESS and STURDINESS of a Yugo!
Even though in Hollywood films it’s usually portrayed as a car that’s about to break down any second, most Yugo owners would claim it’s basically indestructible!
And for a creative Serb, a Yugo is multipurpose vehicle. The picture above says it all, doesn’t it?
MISTAKE #6: Leaving Serbia without acquiring an addiction for PLJESKAVICA, AJVAR and other magical stuff
Pljeskavica/Ćevapi + Kajmak
Plus onions, let’s not fool ourselves! This is a match made in Heaven. Everyone who has ever tried a “pljeskavica sa lukom” or “ćevapi sa kajmakom” has dedicated his every waking moment to conjuring an excuse to eat them again (and again and again).
Slanina
Serbian bacon is nothing like American bacon. The Serbian slanina is cut into small but thick rectangular shapes. And we suspect it’s even more delicious.. However, it does have one similarity to American bacon – it too is eaten in probably not-so-healthy amounts!
Čvarci
Pig fat in the shape of little lumps of deliciousness. Eating technique: Squish them a piece of bread, eat, say njam njam, repeat.
Slatko
Slatko, literally translated “sweet”, is a sweet fruit preserve in which the fruit is kept whole in the syrup. Usually served with a glass of water. Usually you can’t stop at one spoon.
The Serbian pièce de résistance! Ajvar, familiar in Serbian families as “that delicious red stuff” is really a roasted red pepper relish. It’s also known as “Serbian vegetable caviar”. Spread it over everything! Or use as a dip. For everything!
P.S.
Let us not forget the “Uzmi malo hleba uz to…” or “Do have some bread with that…” These wise words are the legacy of all Serbian fathers. Bread is a kitchen essential in a way, in Serbia you eat it with everything: soup, beans, roast, pasta, doesn’t matter…
We hope you liked what you’ve seen and that you’re having a strange and strong sudden urge to visit Serbia. Don’t fight it! Ćevapi te čekaju!
In case you missed it, CLICK HERE FOR PART I OF THIS ARTICLE.
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